Leon and I were out in Warsaw on a cold evening. He arrived later than I did. By the time we met, I had already approached several women and had some momentum. We spent part of the evening together, but we hadn't actually put in the same session.

That was what caught my attention. From the outside, two men might appear to have spent an evening doing the same thing. Underneath that appearance, small differences in when they started and how they used the time could add up.

I had gone out earlier. I had already worked through some unsuccessful interactions. I was still looking for opportunities when we started winding down. The point wasn't that Leon was lazy. In the recording I make clear that he was practising hard. The point was how narrow the difference can look while you are living it.

Count the work you actually did

"I was out all evening" is a vague description. Did you meet people? Did you spend half the time waiting for somebody? Did you approach women you were interested in, or spend the evening discussing why the conditions weren't right?

Arriving an hour earlier doesn't automatically make you better. It gives you an additional hour, and then you have to use it. On that evening I had used it to approach before we met. That changed my activity and my state of mind.

This is why I care about the difference between being present and being engaged. You can physically be in the street while mentally negotiating your departure. You can also be tired and still notice a conversation you would like to start.

Don't turn an anecdote into a guarantee

The episode includes a later encounter while we were having mulled wine. I explicitly said that it wasn't a completed success. It was an illustration of still initiating a conversation when the session felt as though it was ending.

One evening doesn't prove a universal rule about results. Nor does persistence with your own practice mean pressing another person after she has said she wants to leave. The useful lesson concerns the effort you choose to make, not overriding somebody else's choice.

What I took from the day was that the final bit of attention can matter. The early start can matter. The approach you nearly talked yourself out of can matter. You won't know which opportunity might develop if you never make the introduction.

Find your own missing effort

Look at a recent session and identify where you quietly stopped doing what you came to do. Perhaps you delayed leaving the house. Perhaps every disappointment became a long break. Perhaps you ended early because the day wasn't matching the picture in your head.

Choose one of those habits to change next time. Leave when you said you would leave. Keep your breaks deliberate. Stay available for ordinary, welcome conversation instead of spending the entire session narrating your frustration.

Hustle is a behaviour. It is what you do when the conditions are imperfect and the easy option is another excuse. Give the session an honest effort, respect the people you meet and review what actually happened afterwards.