This episode was recorded in March 2020, as my plans in San Francisco were changing and I was preparing for a period of isolation. Normal routines were being disrupted, and I asked what useful work could still happen when going out was no longer straightforward.
The recording also contains early opinions and predictions about COVID-19. Those are historical remarks, not current medical advice. This article focuses on the part that remains useful: reviewing your game when you cannot practise in the usual way.
Work with the material you already have
If you have been going out regularly, you probably have unfinished learning sitting in your notes. An interaction that confused you. A date you meant to review. A moment you keep dismissing as bad luck because examining it is less pleasant than planning the next night out.
That is work you can do without leaving home.
Write down the sequence while you can still remember it. What did you intend? What happened instead? Where did you become uncertain? Be specific enough that somebody else could understand the issue without hearing a long speech about how unfair the whole evening was.
If you have recordings that were made and retained appropriately, use them to check your memory. What you remember saying and what you actually said can be surprisingly different.
Compare the experience with your model
The continuous improvement template I discuss in the archive gives that review a structure. You have a current model, the problems you encounter and a small number of changes you want to test.
Use the books and videos against an actual question. If you are reading about the transition to an instant date, compare it with the point where your own interaction stopped. Did you make a clear suggestion? Was continuing practical? Was the interest mutual?
Reading becomes more useful when it answers something you have experienced. Otherwise you can finish another chapter with the pleasant feeling of having worked while changing nothing about what you will do next.
Rehearse the clearer version
Once you identify a better response, practise expressing it. Say it aloud. Check whether it sounds like something you can communicate naturally rather than a sentence copied without understanding.
You can imagine the sequence of your own actions and prepare alternatives for practical problems. You cannot rehearse another person's consent or decide in advance what her response will be. The preparation is for your side of the conversation.
Keep a short record of what needs to be tested when circumstances allow. That gives the next session a purpose beyond finding out whether you feel more confident.
Use feedback while you have time to listen
A coach or experienced training partner can help you see the error you keep explaining away. Bring a concrete report and a concrete question. That is much easier to work with than a general demand to make your dating life better.
In the original episode I urged men to use disruption for this kind of reflection instead of abandoning their learning altogether. The practical point survives without carrying forward the recording's outdated forecasts or risk claims.
You may not control when the ordinary routine returns. You can decide what you understand better by then. Pick one unresolved interaction, sit down with it and do the review you have been postponing.
