You want exceptional results and you are giving the task whatever time remains after everything else. That mismatch is a better place to start than another argument about your opener.
In this episode I return to an early chapter of The Close about what it takes to date the women you really want. Patience, reflection, persistence and momentum, and serious effort. These ideas sound obvious until you look at how little of them appears in the average week.
Be patient about the result
A man can work hard for a short period and still have very little to show for it. That is frustrating. It is also a poor reason to assume the whole process is broken.
Learning a social skill involves other people, irregular opportunities and uneven progress. You may understand something before you can do it comfortably. You may act well and still meet somebody who is not interested.
Patience means allowing room for that reality. It does not mean waiting passively. You keep practising without demanding that every week supplies a dramatic story to justify the effort.
I describe feeling impatient myself while getting back into game. Prior experience does not remove the wish for immediate results. It gives you a reason to recognise that wish without letting it run the programme.
Reflect on the behaviour
If you repeat the same mistake indefinitely, persistence alone will make you very experienced at making it.
That is why reflection matters. After an interaction, identify what you did rather than simply reporting whether you liked the outcome. Where did you hesitate? Did you listen? Did you express your interest clearly? What could you change next time?
The review can extend beyond a particular conversation. Look at your presentation, your ability to communicate and the practical arrangements around your dating life. Work on the part that is actually causing friction.
It is tempting to make every failure a verdict on the woman or the city. That leaves you with very little to improve. An honest review gives you work you can do.
Keep the experience continuous
Momentum comes from repeated involvement. Good dates, failed dates, easy conversations and uncomfortable ones all contribute to the experience you draw on next time.
If you disappear for weeks after every disappointment, restarting becomes a task in itself. Regular sessions make the activity more familiar and stop each approach becoming a unique psychological event.
Choose a schedule you can sustain alongside the rest of your responsibilities. The point is a pattern of actual participation, not one impressive number announced to other men.
Put enough effort behind the goal
My argument about 10x effort is a challenge to casual input paired with extraordinary expectations. If you want to become unusually good at something, it probably cannot remain a minor hobby you attend to only when conditions are perfect.
I compare this with learning to code in the episode. There are unfamiliar concepts, repeated errors and long periods in which you have to stay with a problem. Reading that the skill is valuable does not do the learning.
Look at the goal, then look at the week. Is there enough practice to develop it? Is there time to review? Are you willing to continue when the first enthusiasm wears off? Answer those before you decide the missing ingredient is another technique.
