A beginner who cannot approach a girl and an experienced guy who keeps settling have different problems. Giving them the same advice wastes both their time.
You need to know where you are in the game. Your training should change as your sticking points change.
In this episode I describe three levels. The public recording spends most of its time on the first two, then introduces the next challenge.
First, get onto the surfboard
If approach anxiety stops you from opening, all your knowledge about advanced dating is sitting on a shelf doing nothing.
I compare this stage to surfing. Before you ride a wave, you need to get onto the board. It doesn't matter how much you know about the rest of the ride if you can't do that first part.
For the beginner, the job is to learn a simple structure from approach to instant date. Many sets. Short sets. Instant dates. You need enough experience to stop treating every conversation as the defining event of your life.
The beginning is frustrating. You have little momentum, you are sensitive to rejection and your performance changes with how you feel that day. That doesn't mean you have discovered some special reason the skill is unavailable to you. It means you are at the beginning.
Keep the structure simple enough to use. A woman who isn't interested gets to continue her day. You get another repetition and a chance to correct something in your own approach.
Then learn to run the date
Eventually you can approach and find yourself sitting with a woman who wants to spend time with you. Good. Now you have another skill to learn.
Getting onto a date doesn't mean you know how to handle the date. A lot of guys are so pleased to be there that they settle into endless chitchat. They hide their interest, lose direction and wonder why the interaction went nowhere.
This is where I bring in the three-step logistics from SDL King. Understand the venues, the transitions and what you are trying to communicate. Work on Frame Control and the Seduction Cycle. Learn to express sexual interest and respond to her interest, rather than waiting for an ordinary conversation to turn into a sexual one by magic.
You also have to leave the phone alone when somebody has stopped responding. Spending the evening trying to revive an old number gives you very little practice at dating.
Go out. Meet women. Pay attention to what actually happens on the dates you have.
Don't turn progress into a comfortable trap
The third level starts with the question of whom you are choosing to meet.
Once a guy can get some results, he can settle into repeating what feels safe. He approaches women he isn't particularly excited about because that protects his confidence. The numbers look better. His actual ambition quietly disappears.
If you got into this because you wanted to meet women you find exceptionally attractive, you eventually have to approach those women. Even when that means fewer dates for a while. Even when it brings the emotional difficulty back.
The public podcast introduces this challenge. The detailed discussion continues in the member recording. The point you can use immediately is to recognise when you are training and when you are simply protecting a comfortable level of performance.
Work on the part that is failing
Can't approach? Simplify the opening and get experience. Getting dates that go nowhere? Review the date, your logistics and the way you communicate attraction. Getting results with women you aren't excited about? Look at whom you are choosing and why.
You don't need to work on everything at once. You need to stop avoiding the specific part that would move you forward.
Get SDL King for the three-step logistics discussed in this episode. Read it, understand it, then put it into practice.
