A student starts getting better with women. Then he meets a woman he really likes. Suddenly, the motivation that drove the improvement is not quite the same.

Is that success, or has he stopped before doing what he set out to do?

You cannot answer the question without knowing what he wants. That is why this conversation became a discussion about long-term decisions rather than another review of his opening lines.

The change was already visible

He was seeing her roughly twice a week. He found her very attractive, enjoyed her company and could see the situation moving towards a relationship. He was still approaching other women, but he acknowledged that the number of approaches had fallen.

He also wondered about being recognised through her friends. What had previously been a relatively straightforward activity now carried another layer of social concern.

My suspicion was that his altered circumstances explained part of the altered performance. His technique had not necessarily deteriorated. The reason to use it had become less urgent, and the perceived consequences had changed.

When somebody's behaviour changes, look at what changed in his life. Do not automatically prescribe another routine.

Liking her is relevant

The student was not describing a woman he found merely convenient. He liked her. That deserves to be taken seriously.

I asked about the relationship and what he wanted over the longer term. Did he see himself marrying eventually? Was this something he wanted to explore, or was he drifting because the present arrangement felt good?

Those are different situations. Choosing a relationship you value is a decision. Quietly abandoning your other objectives without acknowledging the choice is something else.

I explicitly told him I was not instructing him to break up with her. The point was to make the trade-off visible enough for him to think about it.

Which regret would matter more?

We used a regret-minimisation question. Looking back much later, would he regret not pursuing the relationship, or would he regret never giving himself the chance to develop the skill he had come to learn?

He said the second possibility concerned him more at that point. He felt that stopping just as he began to make progress could leave him with unfinished business.

That was his answer, not a universal answer for every man. Someone else might reach the opposite conclusion and have good reasons for doing so.

The value of the question is that it interrupts the immediate pull of comfort. It asks you to consider the decision as part of a longer life, with consequences beyond this week's feelings.

Drifting makes the decision for you

One concern was that he could remain in the middle indefinitely. He would not fully choose the relationship, but he would also stop pursuing his original objective. Time would pass while he told himself that no decision had been made.

That is still a choice in practice. It is simply a choice you have avoided naming.

If you continue dating without exclusivity, both people need an honest understanding of the arrangement. Your uncertainty about your own plans is not a reason to let somebody else operate under a false impression.

The longer member conversation follows his eventual conclusion. The question worth taking from this part is already clear.

What do you actually want to build, and does the way you are behaving give you a reasonable chance of building it? Answer that before asking whether another successful date means you are fucking up.