Have you noticed how easy a date can feel when you aren't worried about the outcome? You say what you think. You flirt. You have a laugh. Then you meet a woman you really want and suddenly you're conducting a very polite employment interview.
You sit too far away, think about every sentence and avoid anything that might reveal your interest. Afterwards you tell yourself the conversation was good. Perhaps it was. But was there any attraction in it?
That is the problem I examine in this episode. Men often play so safely that they remove the very thing that would make the meeting a date.
Friendly isn't the same as attracted
A woman can enjoy a conversation without wanting a romantic or sexual relationship. You have probably had plenty of pleasant conversations yourself that meant nothing more. Yet men collect a number after some friendly small talk and treat it as evidence that the difficult part is finished.
I use Hustlerisms to make my interest clear rather than leaving everything safely ambiguous. In the language of my system, you need Attraction-Escalation, AE. You also need Comfort-Trust, CT. The balance matters.
If all you do is trade background information, the interaction can stay flat. If you never give her any sense of who you are, there may be no reason for her to feel comfortable continuing it. In The Chemistry of Seduction I describe the different ingredients because throwing only one of them into the interaction doesn't make the whole cocktail.
In this recording I also introduce the Facebook sound bite, a brief picture of your life and background. The detailed treatment belongs to the longer material. The principle is to give something real about yourself without launching into a boastful biography.
Notice when fear changes your behaviour
The more you like her, the more tempting it becomes to postpone everything. You'll flirt properly next time. You'll suggest continuing the date next time. Today you will protect the possibility by taking no risk whatsoever.
But another meeting isn't guaranteed. She has her own life, and a pleasant evening doesn't obligate her to return. If your interest stays hidden, she may never know what you wanted in the first place.
Make the invitation you actually mean and pay attention to her answer. That includes accepting a refusal. The objective is mutual attraction, not completing a sequence regardless of how she feels. Being direct saves both of you from having to guess.
Write down the interaction
My strongest recommendation in the episode is reflection. Where did you become cautious? What did you say? What happened when you suggested the next step? Describe the actual sequence before explaining it away.
This applies after an approach, a date or a relationship that doesn't continue. Don't assume every disappointment has the same cause. You cannot know all of another person's reasons, and even a good interaction can end without a second meeting.
What you can examine is your own behaviour. Did you communicate attraction? Did you give her room to respond? Did you become a different man because you were afraid of losing her?
Write it while you remember it. Compare your execution with the process you intended to follow. A specific account gives you something to improve. "Women are flaky" gives you a complaint you can repeat forever.
