You can memorise a list of body-language signals and still be completely wrong about the person in front of you.

She leans back, so she isn't interested. She crosses her arms, so she is defensive. She shrugs, so she doesn't care.

Slow down. What was she doing before? What just changed? What is happening around you?

In this episode I look at the torso, chest, shoulders and arms. The important part is how the observations fit together.

Start with what you are communicating

Your clothes are part of the picture before you have said anything. My advice is uncomplicated. Look clean. Wear clothes that fit the situation and make you look put together.

You don't need a designer label to accomplish that. You also don't get extra points for deliberately looking terrible and then announcing that a true player shouldn't need good clothes.

Make your life simpler.

The way someone else dresses can give you a starting point for conversation. It cannot tell you her character, sexuality or interest in you. In The Close I discuss Full Profiling. An initial impression is something to examine as you talk, not a verdict you have already proved.

Take your space without putting on a performance

I discuss the way people use their torso and arms to occupy space. A settled posture looks different from making yourself smaller and waiting to be allowed into the conversation.

You can stand comfortably, let your shoulders settle and gesture without turning the whole thing into an imitation of a nightclub bouncer.

I also describe a practical habit from my own approaches. After saying what I wanted to say, I would let her talk and put some attention on my breathing and the feeling of my feet on the ground. That helped me stop rushing through the interaction.

The purpose is to be present enough to notice her response. It isn't to win a contest over who can take up the most room.

Leaning in can mean you are interested in the conversation

Some game advice makes leaning back sound like a rule you must never break. I disagree. When somebody says something interesting, I may lean forward, put my elbows on the table and listen.

That is engagement. You don't need to pretend to be bored to look confident.

The same context matters when you observe her. The chair, her clothes, the noise and the subject can all affect how she sits. Look at the pattern of the interaction and whether she is engaging with you.

If she keeps turning away and trying to leave, let the interaction end. Another clever interpretation won't make someone who wants to go suddenly want to stay.

A change gives you a better question

I call one posture the turtle effect. Somebody who was open and expressive becomes smaller, with the shoulders drawn up. Crossed arms or a sudden withdrawal can also stand out when they follow a change in topic.

You have noticed something. You haven't discovered the reason with certainty.

Maybe the subject is uncomfortable. Maybe something else has caught her attention. You can give her room, change the subject or ask a straightforward question. You don't need to manufacture a story about her childhood from a movement of her shoulders.

That is the useful discipline in reading body language. Observe what changed. Put it in context. Keep listening to what she actually says.

A conversation gives you far more information than a diagram of somebody's arms. Pay attention to the conversation.