You can know the model and still abandon it when you meet a woman you really want. Suddenly your clear plan becomes negotiable. You stop expressing attraction, agree with everything and decide another hour of safe conversation is exactly what this particular woman needs.

Convenient. Your fear has just acquired a very sophisticated explanation.

In this podcast I discussed seven ways your own thinking can interfere with your game. These are the traps I want you to recognise in your behaviour. Knowing the names will not do the work for you, but it can make the excuses harder to sell to yourself.

1. Forgetting your practice under pressure

You can be relaxed with somebody you barely fancy and tongue-tied with somebody you find outstanding. The increased importance you attach to the outcome changes how you behave.

The answer is to practise meeting the women you actually want to meet, rather than protecting your confidence in situations that never challenge it. Keep the basic method simple enough to remember. Be attentive to her response; distinguish your own nerves from her lack of interest.

2. Treating an expectation as something you owned

I called this deprival super-reaction: the disproportionate frustration when something you considered almost certain disappears. A date cancels. A promising interaction ends. You feel as though something has been taken from you.

But the outcome was never yours. Her interest, availability and choices are her own. A phone number is not a commitment to a date, and a date is not a commitment to sex. Look for a concrete, mutual plan instead of spending days emotionally investing in an imagined result.

3. Building an identity on a few good nights

A handful of successes can become a story about how advanced you are. Then you protect the story rather than examine your actual consistency.

Look at the whole stretch of practice. How often do you meet women you genuinely want? How much time do you spend collecting contacts that go nowhere? What happens repeatedly? The answers are more useful than your favourite anecdote.

4. Taking the small reward to avoid the real question

A pleasant conversation feels good. A number feels good. Neither is wrong, but both can become a refuge when you are frightened to invite her to spend time together.

If you want a date, make an invitation. You might hear no. Accepting that possibility is part of expressing honest interest. Otherwise you can spend the entire interaction preserving a nice feeling while avoiding the question you came to ask.

5. Model fluidity

This is my term for changing the method under pressure while calling it an improvement. You planned to be direct. Now you are hiding in elaborate chitchat because she is particularly attractive.

Adapt to reality, certainly. If she has to leave, she has to leave. But do not confuse responding to circumstances with abandoning your own intentions out of fear. A brief check on what you are actually doing can interrupt that slide.

6. Dabbling instead of forming a habit

A few sessions, a setback, another coach, another video collection. You restart often enough to remain a permanent beginner.

Choose a coherent approach and practise it consistently. Review the work. Give yourself enough experience to judge it. Relationships and life priorities are your choice; just be honest that a skill left unused may need rebuilding later.

7. Believing the sales pitch

A confident explanation is not evidence that somebody can teach. Look at the work, the consistency of the method and what students actually demonstrate. Treat miraculous transformation promises with the suspicion they deserve.

The common thread is self-deception. Sometimes it protects your ego, sometimes your comfort, sometimes your fantasy. Stop asking whether the excuse sounds intelligent. Ask what you did, what happened and what you need to practise next.